We were sitting around the table last night eating dinner, when all of a sudden the question I have long been dreading came up.
“How does a baby come out of Mummy’s tummy?” asked Master 8.
I awkwardly cleared my throat, trying to phrase a dignified response in my head that would also be appropriate to be heard by the five year old and 3 three year olds also present at the table.
Before I could issue a carefully worded response, Daddy abruptly responded, “You came out from between Mummy’s legs,” Master 8’s face was looking puzzled and bewildered but he quickly forgot this as he heard Daddy say, “and while you did, your Mum did this”, and then he proceeded to emit a dramatic moan and panting.
I was mortified. Absolutely mortified I tell you.
The children were delighted and laughed ecstatically which only fuelled Daddy further. He moved onto a description the next childbirth in the family (that had not had an epidural) and emitted a horrifying comical wail and scream.
The children were in hysterics. I was not. Daddy looked very pleased with himself. Not one ounce repentant.
The triplets wanted to know what I did when they were born. “Oh you were just cut out of Mummy’s stomach. She didn’t say anything.” Everyone looked disappointed, except Master 5 who had turned slightly pale. I’m fairly certain he was picturing a woodsman with an axe cutting the babies loose, just like in Little Red Riding Hood. The rest of the table appeared to accept that it was far more logical for babies to get cut out of stomach’s rather than come out from between someone’s legs.
There was a little more irreverent talk about C-sections and pregnancy before the children trotted off and grabbed some yoghurt for dessert. (I must have still been shell shocked because I didn’t even notice the two little boys hadn’t finished eating their dinner.)
As embarrassing as Alex’s ‘talk’ was for the children, it really wasn’t all bad. Somehow, he managed to tick some of the boxes of my requirements for sex education.
1. Begin Early.
I want to talk about sex and associated activities, i.e. childbirth(!) while the children are young. I don’t want to run the risk of my children being educated from others and being taught misconceptions and inaccuracies.
Check: Three year olds have have heard about some aspects of childbirth.
2. Be Informal
When I was given, “The Talk”, my mother was so factual using terms like “egg” and “ovaries” that when the time came to menstruate, I had no idea what was going to happen. (Sorry Mum!) I want to be specific in an informal way when talking to my children, so they understand while remaining innocent.
Check: Role play dramatically increases informality.
3. Limit Embarrassment
Our sexuality is a natural part of life. I don’t want my kids being embarrassed about it or thinking it is dirty. Having said that, I do what them to be respectful when talking about sexuality and talk about it appropriately in the right context.
Check: Our kids weren’t embarrassed.
Future action: May need to reconsider whether childbirth and other associated talks are appropriate at the dinner table. Also may need to follow up and approach subject delicately to ensure children are not describing the way they were born on the playground.
Thank goodness somehow Alex is doing the right thing. (How do Dads do that???) Obviously he hasn’t scarred our daughter either. As I tucked her into bed she patted her vagina and said, “I’m glad I have a china. It’s special and the boys don’t have chinas.”
He remains unrepentant. “I can’t believe you told the children that at dinner tonight!” I told Alex after the kids were in bed last night. His response was a huge smile and he walked away chuckling saying, “The kids didn’t mind.” Considering we have four sons, Alex will be responsible for the majority of these talks, so I can only imagine what conversations in the future will look like.
Have you talked to your child about childbirth or sex? How did that go?
Is it on your “To Do” list? What are your expectations?