Triplet Pregnancy Journal – Weeks 13-15

Week 13
Kind of missed not having an ultrasound this week, after having two last week! Things are settling down, I’m not bleeding, nor am I feeling so sick. I’m also regaining some energy and not going so have extended my bedtime hours instead of heading to bed shortly after the children. 2nd trimester is here! Hooray!
Week 14
Oh my goodness! I seem to be always hungry! I now cannot even make it in between morning tea and lunch. I have to have a pre-lunch before lunch.
I had a fall at night, which really frightened me. It doesn’t matter that everything seems to be alright, it’s always at the back of my mind. I’m really wanting that ultrasound now, but I still need to wait another 3 weeks. It was dark, when I remembered something had been left out in the yard that should be inside, so I ran out to get it. Unfortunately I forgot that Toddler T had dragged a big wooden box around during the day and it was left right in my pathway.  I hit it hard with one leg, than the other before toppling right over the top of it and landing on my tummy. It really hurt and I was crying when I came inside. J Boy was very concerned and caring. He came and gave me a teddy bear to cuddle to help me. When Alex came home I burst into tears again. He gave me a cuddle, which was very much needed. Unfortunately I then the floodgates opened and I started ranting and getting ultra-emotional about all the fears that I’ve had in my mind these past month. Alex then proceeded to gain an epic fail in appropriate response to a very emotional and hormonal woman. This caused that same woman to dissolve into hysterical sobbing. We both had to leave the room to settle down.
Peace has been restored. The rest of the week trundled along nicely. Of course I’ve gained control of my emotions, but I do worry at extra twinges and aches I feel.
Week 15
It seems that the general consensus of most people I meet is that I’m glowing. It’s always nice to hear people saying you look good! I’m loving being in the 2nd trimester.  But the rate at which my stomach is growing indicates that the comforts of 2nd trimester will end a bit sooner than usual. There’s nothing subtle about the rate my abdomen is growing!
15 weeks pregnant
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Triplet Pregnancy Journal – Weeks 11 & 12

Week 11
Last week I stopped bleeding, which has been a huge relief. To replace this I am constantly wanting to pee. Lots of trips to the bathroom continue this week.  Also feeling more nauseous. Very sensitive to smells. The Accountant thought it was wonderful that I found the smell of prawns offensive so he got the whole lot to himself.
Week 12
Started the week with our final visit to Dr. E. When we walked into his office, The Accountant said, “Don’t you dare tell us you can see a fourth one on that screen…” But once the scan started, there were those three little heartbeats, (no more, no less), pumping away and three tiny human beings wriggling around. He did a nuchal translucency scan, for down syndrome, which came back clear. It’s always great to hear good news. And that was our last appointment with Dr Esler, as he is not doing obstetrics anymore. It’s kind of sad, since he’s got us to that stage, (although when I said something like this to him, he was very quick to only claim responsibility for only two of the little ones!), and was my doctor for my eldest two boys.
We met with our new obstetrician, Dr. G, a few days later. I had taught his son for two years in grades 2 & 3, and had a bit to do with his other 3 children while they were in school also. It gave me confidence knowing that the man who was going to track the growth and development of the triplets before their birth had such wonderful children, polite, conscientious and with a sense of humour.
I’ve seen Dr. G in parent teacher interviews a few times, but of course it is totally different seeing him in his professional setting rather than in my professional setting. Weeks 33-36 for me, right during the time that the triplets are most likely to arrive. He did say that we would try to get to 37 weeks, but since full term for triplets is 35 weeks, it’s very probable that another doctor will deliver the babies. But Dr. G was lovely, collecting all the necessary details, answering all our (many) questions and he spent a great deal of time examining the ultrasound. It was nice not to be rushed and really have a good look at our children.
He also recorded some of the footage for us on a memory stick, which has been fantastic, especially to share with our family. Ultrasounds weren’t around when my Mum was having children, so this was the first time that Mum and Dad had seen a moving shot of any pre-natal grandchild. As expected, they were tickled pink.
12 weeks, 4 days. The three little tykes all snuggly together.
The Two Identical Triplets
The Fraternal Triplet
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Triplet Pregnancy – Week 10

Week 10
Another scan, and what a shock! We see the two babies on the screen. All of a sudden Dr. E pauses and starts looking at the screen intently, then, “Yes, there it is … see? …” This time I don’t see anything on the screen, but my heart has skipped a beat and I am hoping he is not going to tell me any bad news, although I don’t know what it can be because I can see the two babies wriggling.
“There’s a third one there.” My heart skipped a beat again. My heart probably skipped several beats actually. My mind is instantly rushing ahead to questionning how are we going to cope with three babies at once? While simultaneously looking at The Accountant to see what his reactions are. A is looking equally stunned but is smiling, which is more than I could muster.

Dr. E continues to examine the scan. There is most certainly three babies, and he keeps on assuring us that he is not joking. I didn’t think that this is anything to joke about and have never doubted what he is saying.

One of the eggs has split and we have two identical children and one fraternal. The identical pair are squashed together and the one on the bottom is a bit smaller. We are reassured that they are not co-joined, and they each have their own sac, which is good that they are not sharing. I hadn’t thought to worry about any of that, my head is already floating with a vague sensation and I’m trying my hardest to concentrate. We are going to have to watch the identical pair carefully, they are most in danger. The third one is sitting pretty (or handsome, as the case may be) in his own (much larger) happy sac.
We go into Dr. Esler’s office and discuss more about the details of a triple pregnancy. When we walk out to the reception, I am shaking. I have said I will babysit our neighbour’s child for the rest of the day. I wish I didn’t now. All I want to do is crawl up in a hole and try and digest the information. I already love that third child. I want all three children to grow and be born strong and healthy. But the logistics of life with three babies, three children, three teenagers – plus having five children in my family is buzzing in my brain.
We have told J Boy about the pregnancy. He was at the scan, and very excited, although we completely ignored him once the triplet scenario was introduced. We had been wanting to let the world know after this scan. Now, we aren’t so eager and will wait for the 12 week mark. Jonty is incredibly cute and very excited about the “twee baby twipwets”. J Boy told Toddler T. Toddler T showed no emotion whatsoever, of course. The poor child will be not quite two when they are born. He won’t know what has hit him. We have also told the family. Everyone is excited, I’m starting to catch some of it and not be completely petrified.
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Triplet Pregnancy Journal: Weeks 5-9

Week 5
I was in town on Tuesday and went to the toilet to discover an alarming amount of blood. I freaked out and rang the nurses at the clinic in tears. Went straight there got some paperwork and went next door for a blood test. (Not the easiest job to do with two children in tow.) Got results back that afternoon after a nervous wait to discover there was good HCG levels. Phew.  Blood had settled down and become brown, which also was a good sign.
A follow up blood test on Friday. I had been bleeding again that morning so went in first thing in the morning. I was told the results would be ready by lunch time. Didn’t hear anything so rang the clinic at 1:00 to find out what was happening. The nurses rang the labs, to discover my sample had never left the clinic. Had fingers crossed and was praying that the results would come in before the office closed at 4:00 otherwise I would have to wait until Monday. Was beside myself with nerves. The results came in, just in the nick of time. My HCG levels had quadrupled. Normally they would at least double. A huge sigh of relief.
Week 6
Scan this week. There was more bleeding before the scan, but took heart in the good HCG levels.
I could instantly see when the scan begun that I did have a pregnancy. I’ve been to plenty of scans over all the years of my infertility and secondary infertility. I know what I’m looking for (to a certain extent) on that little black and white screen. Also saw at the same time that Dr. E told us that there were two sacs. We are having twins! Feeling nervous about the amount of work there will be but excited by the blessing that God is extending to our family.
Week 7
Bleeding settled down. Feeling good. Family and friends that we have told are very excited for us at the prospect of twins.
Week 8
More bleeding. More nerves. Remembering that Dr. E had told us that our chance had dramatically reduced because we’d seen two heartbeats. Also trusting that God will complete the good work he has begun within me.
Week 9
Still bleeding, but I’m starting to get used to it. I’m working out my body’s limits. If I do too much housework without having a rest, or if I hold the toddler for too long. (Like the day we were in town and discovered the pram was missing it’s front wheel – thanks to J Boy -and I couldn’t use it.) I’m taking it easy and the bleeding is less.
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Triplet Pregnancy Journal – Weeks 1-4

Week 1
I start a new round of medications for another try at IVF. Last month we had a failed attempt. I am desperately hoping that this time will not fail, as we cannot afford to do another cycle.
Week 2
The deed is done. Another visit to the surgicentre for the embryo transfer the morning of The Accountant’s last day of work for Eden Farms. A long wait for a quick procedure. As per normal. We had a good talk to the scientist before going in and starting the procedure. He said we had two embryo’s. One had four cells, one had two cells. He also explained that because we were one of those first couples where he had frozen unfertilised eggs, ours had been slow frozen. Since then he’s discovered that they get higher pregnancy rates if they fast freeze the eggs (occytes). He indicated that a lot of couples with slow frozen occytes need to try many times before they achieve a pregnancy. I had a sinking feeling when he was explaining this. I knew we were running out of funds to come back again. I felt even more depressed when I went home and googled and discovered that the ideal embryos to place in a transfer normally had between 6-8 cells. I was very glad that we had placed two eggs in, because this would increase our chances of having at least one child. I also took heart in the fact that the scientists had said that even though they only had a few cells, they were very good looking embryos and had no fragmentation. Also, he took ages to come out with the eggs. He must have had another look at them on the way, because he said the two cell embryo had increased to a three cell. It was good to know that the cells were multiplying.
Week 3
Waiting, waiting, waiting. Excruciating. Staying away from google. It messes with my mind. Putting my faith, trust and confidence in God. The Accountant, as always is positive. Bought a 7 seater car. If we do end up with twins, at least we’ll be able to transport them.
Week 4
Did a pregnancy test. It was Positive!!! Oh Happy Day!
Started bleeding. Nerves have returned. Requesting lots of prayer and trusting that God will keep the little life that has started safe.
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Another Pregnancy! With Triplets!

I tell you, I’ve never experienced anything so brain numbing as hearing a doctor declare there is a third baby present in your womb during a routine ultra-sound! You should try it sometime. Although, I can’t give you any tips on making it happen, because that, I certainly did not plan!

We had decided that we would like to try for a third child. For awhile, I wasn’t so sure, I mean, I’m not ancient or anything, but I am getting on the older end of parenting newborns, two kids were already keeping me pretty busy but it wasn’t insane. I would like to have a little girl, but I didn’t think it was worthwhile getting pregnant for that reason alone, because there is no way of guaranteeing we would add the fairer sex to our household.

The more I prayed about it though, the more I felt we should at least try for another child. I realised that if we didn’t try, I would always wonder if we had completed our family, because somehow for me it didn’t feel quite ‘complete’. Little did I know…

So, back to the doctor’s office for us. That’s the way to make babies, right? We had only fertilised one egg with Trent, but we had frozen 17 unfertilised eggs. Because of ethical, moral and religious reasons, we had decided that whatever eggs we fertilised, (ie. became embryos) we would use. So when we heard that we could store unfertilised eggs, even though it was ‘new’ technology in Australia, we quickly decided that was the best option for us. That way we could make our mind up about future children when we were ready, rather then being already committed.

Doing IVF for a frozen cycle was less complicated than doing it ‘from scratch’. For starters all the daily needles weren’t needed – Hurrah! There was still plenty of meds to be consumed, plenty of doctor’s appointments and other unpleasantaries. All of course worthwhile for the end product, of course.

Although the end product wasn’t at all what we were expecting! Because I am over 35 years of age, (as in, I am 35 years of age), and my fertility rates are officially in decline, we had the option of placing two embryo’s in the womb instead of one. (In Australia, you cannot legally use two embryo’s until you are over 35. That’s why we don’t have octo-mum’s.) We weren’t going to, but with a failed IVF cycle, and the scientists advising us that our chances with frozen embryo’s were less then with the fresh eggs, and knowing our funds were limited, we eventually decided to place two.

One month before becoming pregnant with the triplets. The morning the day this photo was taken I had an IVF embryo transferral. It turned out to be a failed cycle – compared to the next cycle which would produce triplets!

One of those embryo’s decided to split, becoming two humans!

So that is how I am 14 weeks pregnant with triplets. 2 identical and 1 fraternal. My brain isn’t numb anymore, (unless I think about if for too long…) It took a good 1 1/2 weeks to get used to the idea. It’s amazing how you just transfer into planning mode. I’ve given up trying to work out how I’ll do everything and have reached the conclusion that I’ll make it up as I go along. (You know, kind of like parenting any child…)

And if you need proof, here’s a pretty cool little video of all three from my ultrasound at 12 weeks and 4 days.

UPDATE: If you want to learn about how my triplet pregnancy progressed, click on the links below to read the journal I wrote while I was pregnant.

Weeks 1-4 Triplet Pregnancy Journal

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Toddler's T's Pregnancy – An IVF Success Story

I’ve decided to graduate “The Baby” to the status of “Toddler”. It’s inevitable once they hit 18 months that they start losing their “babyness”. It’s sad in many ways to see your baby disappear, but exciting to watch your child continue to develop and gain increased independence.

I’m continuing my gestational posts with my reflections on my pregnancy with Toddler T.

9 months pregnant. Saying goodnight to J Boy, 9 hours later Toddler T arrived!

Once J Boy was born, we knew we wanted another family member for him to grow up with. Of course with our history to date, we knew that the sibling scenario wasn’t a certain thing. We never did anything to prevent a pregnancy, we had agreed that if it happened earlier then we would have planned, it would be a blessing, and better then the alternative. (Proved to be sound reasoning) After almost three years we knew we were dealing with secondary infertility and considering the amount of time it took to get pregnant the first time around before it happened naturally, we weren’t liking our chances.

We went back to our fertility doctor who confirmed our fears, and also helpfully noted that our chances of conceiving were getting slimmer due to my age. Ouch. Prior comments (Before J was born) on my age by him were to say that I was still young and it was good I hadn’t left things too late. Because we had already unsuccessfully tried every fertility treatment available, apart from IVF, the now audible tick of my biological clock helped us decide to proceed straight to IVF treatments this time.

And so began the medications, the daily doses of needles, the internal ultrasounds, (yick), and the ever present feeling of nerves, anticipation and dread.

I was feeling like a human pin cushion after all the needles

Finally the day came for the egg collection. I had to go under general anesthetic for the doctor to harvest the eggs. It turned out they had harvested 18 eggs. It was a mammoth collection. I was very tender and sore and couldn’t walk for the rest of the day and spent the day in the recliner at home watching the Academy Awards live. (Something I’d never done before or since!) 3 days later we were in for a much quicker and far less painful procedure, the embryo transfer. It was such a wierd feeling watching the scientist walk into the room with a cathater, and know that a new life, even thought it was smaller than a full stop, was within it.

Little did I know that while I was in day surgery for this procedure, my pregnant sister had gone into labor with her 4th child. I think we were pregnant together for an hour before my charming little neice was born.

With my new neice and J Boy, Toddler T safe inside multiplying cells!

The two week wait was very anxious for me. The Accountant had no qualms whatsoever and was positive that it was successful. We had been away in Bundaberg for a week, and I had to delay the blood test by a day until we got home. The extra day was agony, and I was tempted to do a home pregnancy test, but I was a good girl and did what I was told and came into the doctor’s office for a blood test. Another nervous 20 minute wait until the nurse beckoned us to come and look at the test with the positive symbol! Hooray! It had worked!

We hadn’t told my parents we were doing the test, so we swung into their house on the way home to show them the results. Of course, as you can see in the photos below, they were estatic to hear that another grandchild was on the way!


Mum was trying to work out what it meant, Dad knew straight away.



A happy moment, even though Dad is hugging me so tight it’s squashing my nose.

 I had written a letter to several people who have supported me in prayer over this time with very specific prayer requests according to what happens during the IVF process. It was such a good feeling writing and telling them of our success once we hit the 12 week mark.

Here’s the letter:

Alex and I would like to sincerely thank all of you who have remembered us in your prayers over the last several months. We thought it was definitely time to give you an update of what has been a very eventful period in our lives!
I shouldn’t delay any longer, but tell you straight away, that Praise the Lord I am pregnant! We had a scan last Friday and were so blessed to see our 11 week old baby’s heart beating and everything right on target. What a great God we serve! This whole journey has definitely had His fingerprints over it every step of the way.
My body responded very well to all the IVF medications. So well, that when we harvested the eggs, I had 18. This is well and truly an above average number of eggs to harvest.  All these eggs were described as ‘perfect’, they were all of the highest quality possible, also an unusual phenomenon. As planned, we only fertilized 1 egg. Before the egg was implanted, the scientist came to speak to us about the egg. She told us that “all our stars were lined up as we couldn’t hope for a better result”. At that comment, both Alex and I looked at each other, and we both knew that the other was giving acknowledgement to the one who made the stars for our good results, rather than simple astrology!
The scientist said that we had beat all odds by fertlising only one egg and having the cells divide perfectly. She said that if she could ask for anything else for that embryo, she wouldn’t be able to, it was so perfect. During the procedure, she once again told the doctor how perfect the embryo was at which point the nurses told us that the scientist “has been drooling over this embryo”.
That same day that I became pregnant, my sister K gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.  After us being both pregnant with C and J at the same time, it’s a nice thought that for a few hours we were also pregnant together again!
Then came the nervous, (well for me, Alex was always confident),  two week wait, but the pregnancy test came up a clear positive. There was no need to be nervous, since everthing has been the fulfilling a prophecy that I received just prior to beginning taking the meds.  A prophetic lady (who doesn’t know me, so she had no idea of my circumstances) had told me that she saw a picture of me hopping around in a field and being nervous, waiting for an explosion, because this had been my experience in the past. She went on to say that I was to forget the past because at this time there were “no landmines” and she could see a picture of me running  freely through a beautiful field of flowers and not having to worry about what may happen, but rather enjoy the moment.
Well, me being me, I have occasionally succumb to nerves, but it was a beautiful image that stayed with me, and when I did start to worry, I kept praying that there would be no landmines.
Another answer to prayer has been in the areas of finances, as the medical bills were putting a huge strain on our budget. God is good, and we received two cheques of $5000 which has both covered the cost of the procedure and assisted us in being able to go to China as we planned. We had a fabulous family holiday there. (Although maybe next time we go overseas with a two year old, we might ask for intercessory support for that too before we leave!) I also had no morning sickness during our time away, which of course is also a huge blessing.
Our baby’s due date is November 17, so over the next 6 months, if you think of us, please continue to send up prayers for our precious child’s safe arrival. We look forward to sharing with you all the joyous occasion of it’s birth towards the end of the year!!!
Thank you so much for those who have been supporting us in prayer, we know without a doubt that our extraordinary results have been the result of much prayer and intercession. We are also aware very much of other women who are out there and who have been praying fervently, and are still awaiting their miracles. In all our own excitement, we are also thinking of those who are still in the midst of their own struggles and we pray that our very big God will also fulfill the desires of their heart.
With all our love,
A, C, J and the Perfect Baby!

I had a straight forward pregnancy and Toddler T surprised us all by coming 15 days early. (That’s when you regret that you haven’t properly packed your hospital bag.) Once he was on his way, there was no delaying, he was out in 2 1/2 hours which was intense, but there’s always that sweet moment when you gather your newborn baby in your arms for his first cuddle.


First moments with son number 2.



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J Boy Pregnancy – The end of a 5 year journey of Infertility

I explained in a recent post how my journey to motherhood was not an easy experience due to infertility resulting from Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. (PCOS)

I thought it would be nice to tell of my boys start to life.

This is the story of my pregnancy with J Boy.

9 months pregnant

When we first discovered I was pregnant The Accountant and I were living in London. Here is a letter that I sent an American friend updating her of our pregnancy. This friend and I used to communicate regularly, most days in fact, and then she hit ‘one of those patches in life’ which made her head underground for awhile, and in the meantime she had changed her email address and hadn’t let me know, so even though she had been praying for me for years, and had even sent me baby gifts for years before the baby was conceived, I didn’t get the chance to tell her I was pregnant until after the fact!

I thought it would be one of the best ways to share the joyous occassion of discovering I was pregnant after 5 years of trying.

Dear US Friend,

Right, so it all began in France! Alex and I had got away for the weekend, which was just beautiful. We explored Normandy and Brittany. High on the list to visit by the way was Mont St. Michel, I had always wanted to visit it after I saw you standing out the front of it in a photo you sent me!

The Accountant and I in the North of France at Mont St. Michel. Conception has occurred, but we don’t know yet!

I thought I may have ovulated, I had picked the times I was ovulating two times before, but nothing had happened and that was over the course of about 6 months because my cycles as you know are so irregular. I think I had started being able to pick them from watching my bodies signs and linking what my body did when I had ultrasounds that showed I was ovulating. Anyway, I didn’t think too much of it, just hoped that I would get my periods two weeks later.

Two weeks later, I started a little spotting, and thought that I had done well picking when I had ovulated again and got ready for my periods. All week there was a bit of spotting coming and going, I wasn’t sure whether they were still coming or it was an extremely light period. I thought I’d do a pregnancy test just in case. Alex told me not to bother it would be a waste of money again! I decided to do it anyway, just in case, but even I didn’t have too much hope, I did the test and waited for the result, I actually had my foot on the lever for the bin so I could through it straight out! When the test came through, I realized that I didn’t know what the test results meant because it was different to the Australian tests I used, so I went and read the instructions, re-read them, read them over again, and again, and again! Then I concluded that I was PREGNANT! I went running into the husband showing him it, he then took the instructions, read them, re-read them, read them over again, and again, and again! Then he agreed with my conclusion that I was in fact pregnant! It was so exciting and totally mind boggling! We rang my parents straight away and tried to ring my sister, didn’t get her, but spoke to her a few hours later. They were both estatic! Also rang my brother. Alex didn’t want to tell his family until a bit later, but I didn’t want to wait. My sister was living in London, so I was seeing her that night at a blind wine tasting night we were having, but it wasn’t easy to tell her with lots of people around so I arranged to see her on Monday. (No need to say, I only tasted a few wines, and spat!)
On Sunday, I started bleeding more heavily, it was a good thing I had done the test, because if I hadn’t done it the day before I would have presumed it was my period. I went to the doctor first thing Monday morning, where she spent a great time telling me that I could very well be miscarrying which was devastating. I rang my little sister crying asking her to come sooner. She came with me to the hospital where I had to have an ultrasound. The scan showed there was a pregnancy, but because it had been three months since I’d had a period, they still couldn’t conclusively say if it was the end or beginning of a pregnancy. I had to go back two weeks later which was a very long time to wait, but when I did, the baby had grown and I could see this little blob on the screen with a beating heart.

“Our blob”

It was one of the most awesome things I’d ever seen. I didn’t think that I would see anything interesting, it just blew me away that there was a 6 week old baby inside me with a heart beat! I rang the husband up afterwards and cried with excitement while telling him. I had a ¾ hour bus ride back to work and spent the whole time on the phone to Australia with my family who were anxiously awaiting the result. We had a few more scares early in the pregnancy, but hey presto! That is all a distant memory and now we have our gorgeous boy safe in our arms!

So once we had got over all the excitement of becoming pregnant, we had to do some serious decision making as to whether we’d stay in the UK or not. In the end after lots of serious consideration we realized that we didn’t want to remain in England long term so we thought it wo

uld be better to only set up nursery once and also better for A’s career to get more Australian experience if that’s where we were wanting to be in the long term. So, we decided to return home to have the baby. We arrived home in May, but before we did so, Executive sister and her children arrived and had a 6 week holiday with us.

Visiting Legoland with my sister, neice, nephew and brother-in-law
It was so lovely and quite emotional returning home with a lovely big belly! Of course people at church were so excited after praying for us for so many years. My family, needless to say, was estatic! When we first arrived, we weren’t entirely sure if we would live in Toowoomba, we also considered moving to Brisbane. However, we stayed in Toowoomba after all. A had some very tempting job offers in both Toowoomba and Brisbane, but in the meantime while looking for work he had been helping out with my brother’s computer business and decided that he really liked management accounting, so has decided to work in the family business. He has been working with the computers so far, but this year will start getting more involved in other endeavours.
I did some supply teaching at my old workplace when I returned and was still pregnant, but I haven’t worked since having J Boy. I don’t intend to return to full time work for quite some time, although I will do some infrequent supply days to bring in some money throughout the year. I didn’t have an entirely favourable teaching experience in London, so I haven’t missed it that much. Besides which I absolutely LOVE being at home with J Boy. I’m also involved with a mothers group which I really enjoy.
When we first arrived we were staying in a rental property that Executive Sister had just bought. However in November we moved into a new house that we bought. It’s a lovely home, A and I have decided it’s our ‘grown up house’. It’s not an old house that people buy as a first home, but a brand new four bedroom place. I’ll have to send some photos through of the interior.
(Letter continues with boring bits that wouldn’t interest you!)
Love,
Caitlin

The first minutes of my firstborn’s life.
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