Soul Searching Sunday – Happiness

Soul Searching Sunday

Welcome to my new weekly Sunday session. I am wanting to have space on this blog to contemplate and reflect on the deeper aspects of life. To me, a person’s soul is very important. It is the core of who we are. Sunday is a day of the week that I set aside to nourish my soul. It really is a day for soul searching. It is a day I examine how I’m handling life, how I can get better at what I’m doing well and how to improve in the areas that I have failed, because fail I do. Regularly.

Sundays are the perfect day for doing an inventory on what I have to be grateful for and it’s a day that I will most often spend with family and friends. Enjoying one another and becoming better together.

Because I am a Christian, often God, Jesus, The Holy Spirit and the Bible feature in my soul searching. I find my faith keeps me centred and my reliance on a higher power keeps me humble and inspired to keep improving and living my life with passion and purpose. I want to share some of this revelation during a regular Sunday blog post. I know many of my readers may not be Christians, and I hope that this is still a section that you will be able to read and get something out of. Spirituality is expressed in many ways, I hope my soul searching can aid your own soul searching, in whichever way you connect with your soul and spirit.

I thought it would be fitting to start this inaugural Soul Searching Sunday post talking about Happiness. I think being in touch with your soul is a happiness creator. That’s not to say it’s easy and full of laughter all the time. There is a joy that is present when you are being real with yourself and examining the issues and tackling the problems that will make you a better person or help you to maximise your effectiveness in this life.

SUNDAY
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When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about the future.
Ecclesiastes 7:14

 It is so easy to be happy during the good times in life. Sometimes we can feel guilty for feeling good. Maybe I should be taking life more seriously? I find it reassuring that God wants us to be happy. In fact he explicitly says to be happy. He also recognises that there are going to be bad times. Life cannot be filled with only happy moments. If we have a belief that God is still in control, he is still in charge during the bad times, it can bring reassurance. Happiness is wonderful, bad times have purpose. We don’t know why as we walk through those difficult days.

I think back to the days I struggled with infertility. The crippling disappointment when I would have a period signalling yet another month without a child. The intense pain when I would hear another person I knew was pregnant and I still wasn’t. The hoping, the wondering, the pain and the grief. I was not to know in the future I was going to be fortunate enough to have five children. How much easier those would have been if I had discovered my future. Yet because I did walk that road, when I have increased the intensity of happiness while watching my children grow before my eyes and listen to their ever so cute conversations and cuddle them in my arms. I know how abundantly blessed I am, and I never take this opportunity I have been given to be a mother for granted. It helps me get through the hard days like the rainy day with triplets I described earlier this week.

It’s amazing as I reflect back on my life that the getting through the hard times have made me a happier person in the long run. I have a depth to me that I would not have without those hard times. I have a greater perspective. Depth of character and perspective built into me during the hard times of life really does increase my happiness during the good times.

 

Has there been times in your life where you have walked through the bad but have made you a happier person later?

 

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Soul Searching Sunday – Happiness

Soul Searching Sunday

Welcome to my new weekly Sunday session. I am wanting to have space on this blog to contemplate and reflect on the deeper aspects of life. To me, a person’s soul is very important. It is the core of who we are. Sunday is a day of the week that I set aside to nourish my soul. It really is a day for soul searching. It is a day I examine how I’m handling life, how I can get better at what I’m doing well and how to improve in the areas that I have failed, because fail I do. Regularly.

Sundays are the perfect day for doing an inventory on what I have to be grateful for and it’s a day that I will most often spend with family and friends. Enjoying one another and becoming better together.

Because I am a Christian, often God, Jesus, The Holy Spirit and the Bible feature in my soul searching. I find my faith keeps me centred and my reliance on a higher power keeps me humble and inspired to keep improving and living my life with passion and purpose. I want to share some of this revelation during a regular Sunday blog post. I know many of my readers may not be Christians, and I hope that this is still a section that you will be able to read and get something out of. Spirituality is expressed in many ways, I hope my soul searching can aid your own soul searching, in whichever way you connect with your soul and spirit.

I thought it would be fitting to start this inaugural Soul Searching Sunday post talking about Happiness. I think being in touch with your soul is a happiness creator. That’s not to say it’s easy and full of laughter all the time. There is a joy that is present when you are being real with yourself and examining the issues and tackling the problems that will make you a better person or help you to maximise your effectiveness in this life.

SUNDAY
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When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about the future.
Ecclesiastes 7:14

 It is so easy to be happy during the good times in life. Sometimes we can feel guilty for feeling good. Maybe I should be taking life more seriously? I find it reassuring that God wants us to be happy. In fact he explicitly says to be happy. He also recognises that there are going to be bad times. Life cannot be filled with only happy moments. If we have a belief that God is still in control, he is still in charge during the bad times, it can bring reassurance. Happiness is wonderful, bad times have purpose. We don’t know why as we walk through those difficult days.

I think back to the days I struggled with infertility. The crippling disappointment when I would have a period signalling yet another month without a child. The intense pain when I would hear another person I knew was pregnant and I still wasn’t. The hoping, the wondering, the pain and the grief. I was not to know in the future I was going to be fortunate enough to have five children. How much easier those would have been if I had discovered my future. Yet because I did walk that road, when I have increased the intensity of happiness while watching my children grow before my eyes and listen to their ever so cute conversations and cuddle them in my arms. I know how abundantly blessed I am, and I never take this opportunity I have been given to be a mother for granted. It helps me get through the hard days like the rainy day with triplets I described earlier this week.

It’s amazing as I reflect back on my life that the getting through the hard times have made me a happier person in the long run. I have a depth to me that I would not have without those hard times. I have a greater perspective. Depth of character and perspective built into me during the hard times of life really does increase my happiness during the good times.

 

Has there been times in your life where you have walked through the bad but have made you a happier person later?

 

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How to Combat Post Mother's Day Depression

I feel a little bit guilty admitting and writing that Mother’s Day often makes me feel a little bit deflated. But I’ve noticed this week that I’m not the only one who struggles with feeling a little depressed after Mother’s Day.

For so many years when I was struggling with infertility I would dread Mother’s Day. I so desperately wanted to be a Mummy and my exclusion from being honoured on that day was sorely felt. Back then, the worst part of the day, without a doubt, was during the church service when the mother’s would be asked to stand up, and they would be given a small gift to honour and thank them for the contribution that they are making. I still feel slightly embarrassed when I stand up, but I do stand. Not because I want others to feel excluded, but rather because it is right and good for motherhood to be honoured. Which is why I still attended church when I had no baby to hold and call my own despite it being an emotionally painful Sunday. (I know lots of women avoid attending services on Mother’s Day though, and no condemnation to you. You know if you are mentally able to cope with the event, you do what you need to do.)

Fast forward to the first Sunday I finally could celebrate Mother’s Day. Oh the joy, the anticipation, the eagerness I felt to be a part of church service and the family lunch that always followed.

I did not expect to be depressed by the end of the day. I did not expect that I would be crying tears of sadness and feeling undervalued and insignificant and very, very inadequate. Over the years, I’ve noticed that some Mother’s Days are better then others, but it’s common that I feel a little bit down as the sun sets each Mother’s Day. Here are some of my tips to pull yourself out of the post Mother’s Day funk.

1. Be Grateful
It’s easy to feel guilty that you aren’t feeling grateful on Mother’s Day. Stop looking at the things that you aren’t feeling grateful for and acknowledge all that you are grateful for on Mother’s Day. Start with your gorgeous kiddos. I’ve found that if Mother’s Day isn’t living up to my expectations, at the very least I can use it as a day to reflect on how incredibly blessed I am. I think perhaps it’s easier when you have been through infertility to know how just immense this feeling of blessing is. When you remember the yearning that was once there and the joy that it has been replaced by, your heart overflows with gratefulness. Mother’s Day is a time to cherish each cuddle and to reflect on the things you love most about each child.

2. Lower Your Expectations
Oh Pinterest. How I love you and hate you. Your mother’s day might have looked like the picture below. And if it did, I’m happy for you. Ever so happy for you.

Image Source

But most of ours didn’t look picture perfect.  And if it did, most of the time, it only looked like that this year. Next year it will probably look like this.

This was my son’s bedroom. To be fair, the day before Mother’s Day, after several hours of cajoling and threats, it was remarkably tidier then this photo. Two days later it had reverted back to this state though, I might add. 

Because that my friends is the real world. Proceed back to step 1. Be grateful that you have children to mess the room up in the first place.

Perfection is something we constantly see on Pinterest. But perfection is a picture. A snapshot that doesn’t show the reality outside the frame. Picture perfect leaves out the exhausted mother, the ugly cry as she sobs with frustration, the dirty dishes and the toys littered over the floor. Yet, we look at the small corner of perfection and feel inadequate. It has to stop. Life is not perfect, it never will be. There will be perfect moments, rejoice while they are there, do not expect them to last forever. On Mother’s Day, there will be sweet moments, cherish those moments, but don’t be surprised when a second later you will be changing a dirty nappy while another child has dropped to the floor and performing a well executed tantrum.

3. Don’t Expect a Complete Break From Mothering
There seems to be a lot of publicity that Mother’s Day should be relaxing. And oh yes, as mother’s we totally buy that line. Because let’s face it. Motherhood is just plain hard work. And it exhausts us. And we want to have a break.

Right from the start of Mother’s Day 2014, I was trying to make my house tidy while also getting ready for church. Because the thing about Mother’s Day is that many of us are blessed to celebrate it with our Mother’s, so it is not a day just for ourselves. The kids were aware it was a special day, and in between bouts of their egocentrism, they were wanting it to be special for me. They had made breakfast with Daddy, and gave me the little creations they had made at kindy and school. But because everyone coming around to our place for lunch, I was frantically rushing around trying to do last minute tidy ups, since I had given up the night before and gone to bed because I was exhausted. In the rush we ran out of time before church for the kids to give me the gift they had bought. This made things strained with the children, and I was stressed that they were disappointed while being stressed at getting things right for lunch, even if I wasn’t going to be cooking. (Which incidentally the reason that we go out to a restaurant most years, but money was tight this year.)

Mother’s Day flowers from our garden.

Let me add, that I did relax on Mother’s Day. Alex has learned to make Mother’s Day special. He took care of breakfast, lunch and dinner! What a man! But at the end of the day, laundry needed to be done. Nappies needed to be changed, children needed to be dressed. Discipline needed to be administered. You just can’t switch of being a mother for a day. I have found that my attitude can get a bit sour if I expect the whole day to be relaxing, I now expect that there are still jobs I need to do, and I try not to feel resentful for having to do those jobs. And above all I am appreciative for the gestures and attempts the children and my husband have made to make the day special.

And here’s another hint to have a relaxing day! Stop doing stuff! I know some mother’s find it difficult to switch off. Just do it. Your children and their Daddy cannot do nice things for you if you keep doing everything! Allow them the opportunity to take control. We know it won’t be to the same standard, but you can always fix it up tomorrow

! If you don’t give them the opportunity today, they may stop trying tomorrow.

My brother-in-law’s salad. It’s called an ‘echidna salad’. Yup, men often don’t approach things the same way as us women! But we didn’t have to make the salad, so – SCORE!

4. Communicate Your Wishes With Your Husband (Or Significant Other or Someone Who Influences Your Children)
Sometimes we can be disappointed on Mother’s Day, (Or birthdays, Christmas, etc.) because we are wishing for beautiful gifts or meaningful moments orchestrated by significant people in our life (if you’re married, a lot of that expectation lies with our husband) and then it just doesn’t happen to some of us. I have noticed that disappointed mothers play the role of martyr quite regularly. We really ought to stop this. Especially if it’s happening year after year.

If you are disappointed regularly after special events, communicate your feelings lovingly with your husband. Don’t start with words like, “You Never…” or “You Should…” Sensitively explain to your husband (or other person) how you are feeling, make practical suggestions on what you would really appreciate. Don’t demand things that are too difficult to be delivered. Men actually appreciate direct talk. Subtle hints can often be a waste of time when you are trying to suggest what you would like.  In my Mother’s Day Prelude post I suggested writing a list for your husband to take with the kids when he goes shopping. Consider they male tendency to minimise shopping time and list which stores he can buy your desired item at. Having plenty of suggestions on the list means you will still get a surprise, but you are actually being kind to them and yourself.

After my first couple of Mother’s Day, my feelings had really been hurt by my husband’s proclamation, “It’s not about what I do for you on Mother’s Day. You’re not my mother.” Because even more so when the children are very young you need their Father to make the day special for you. I also communicated with Alex how feeling honoured as the mother of his children meant a lot to me. Since we’ve had that talk Alex has made big efforts to make Mother’s Day special by cooking meals, taking the kids shopping, do extra chores around the house and changing the majority of nappies on that Sunday. This year, because we had invited a lot of family around for lunch, he also helped with the preparations and cleaning up in the days leading up to the event. It’s just little things like this which makes you feel appreciated as a Mother and gives you energy for the never-ending mothering tasks.

5. This Is Not A Day For Comparisons
To be truthful, this is what got me down the most last week. We had a tough week leading up to the weekend with behaviour. Kids can’t just switch on and off. So if there are issues, they will continue to ‘manifest’ even on special days. We still started Mother’s Day with whining, arguing, angry words and tears. (The kids, not me. Ahem. Mostly.)

During the church service the big kids were lolling around in the seats, not following instructions and the little children were being noisy and very active. I was incredibly embarrassed and feeling like a complete failure that I couldn’t ‘keep them under control’. (Therein lies part of the problem, it’s not my job to keep them, ‘under control’. It’s my job to train them to make choices that are considerate and respectful to those around them. Although, had I thought ‘correctly’ I still would have felt dejected that I have not been inspiring them to have better behaviour choices.)

The kids church leader was running a very fun service, and it was brilliant. Jonty was involved in a game out of the front where he was a rooster and the Mum’s (myself included) had to run out the front and ‘stuff’ him with balloons down his overalls. He was very cute, crowing enthusiastically the whole time he was out the front, and getting lots of laughs. (Jonty loves making people laugh.) But because of his previous behaviour beforehand, I couldn’t even fully enjoy his cuteness. And then I felt even more awful for being so negative.

My son the rooster with his cousin.

There was also a beautiful video of some of the children saying things about mother’s. My two boys got a lot of air time. They were very adorable! It was one of the high points of the day, and I had to keep wiping tears away, because at the end of the day, no matter how naughty they are, I love them a squillion times over.

Here’s the video – my boys are spiderman (Trent) and his puffer vest counterpart. (Jonty) The three girls on the lounge are my nieces and the tall boy with the little boy are my nephews. (I just about died of cuteness overload when my little nephew whispered his answer in his big brother’s ear.)

But here’s the deal. My children are not perfect. No child is perfect. My children each have issues that they are working on. Childhood is one big work in progress. (And actually it doesn’t stop at childhood, does it?) And as a mother it’s my job to accompany them along their journey and do all that I can to assist them to grow and develop into the person they are created to be. Once again, it’s a journey, a long term project. This one day in the year is a part of their journey/our journey that we are on together. The issues never disappear overnight, so if they surface when you really don’t want to deal with them, it’s just time to pull your big girl pants up and continue with the job. Motherhood is beautiful, but most of the time it’s not comfortable. It just isn’t. But it is full of love, and when we’re tired and feel like we can’t keep going, we need to remember the depth of love we have for each child, then also draw on the love that is being given to us, from others and above, take a deep breath and keep on going.

Mother’s Day is not a time to look around and compare yourself with others. Your child is different to the others. You are different to the others. You are on a different journey. We all have our high points and low points. You might be admiring the ‘picture perfect’ family, but you don’t know what stage of the journey they are on. And you don’t know what is happening outside the frame. Most of the time the picture perfect is only one snapshot in time. Scratch below most surfaces and you will see a whole heap of issues. We all have issues. We all need to deal with each challenge. One challenge at a time. Over and over again. We can move forward, it is possible, and we will.

I could keep writing about a whole heap of other feelings that can take the shine off Mother’s Day. I haven’t even touched on remembering absent Mother’s or children who are not around to celebrate the day with us. There are so many other issues as well, I don’t dismiss any of the

m as greater or lesser. I just wrote from my own experiences in this day just past.

How was your Mother’s Day? Do you ever feel the blues before or after Mother’s Day? How do you deal with the complexity of emotions post Mother’s Day?

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Being a Triplet Mum: The Persistant IVF Question…

“Oh! You’re having triplets! Wow.”

Pause.

Then the inevitable question.

“So, did you do IVF?”

Of course there are many ways that people ask this question. Most are not subtle.

Or there is what I consider a more hideous variation of the question.

“Are they natural?”

I know what they mean, they’re simply asking if I had assisted reproductive technology. But it makes me feel that if admit I did IVF I’m saying, “No, my children are unnatural.”

My children aren’t unnatural.  The egg and sperm weren’t joined in the traditional manner, but at the end of the day it was a bonafide egg and an absolute au naturale sperm. Surely these two natural ingredients can create a natural child. Just because a scientist briefly helped in the union of said sperm and egg, doesn’t create synthetic people.

It’s strange that it bothers me. I can understand people being curious. I would be too.

Although I don’t think I would have asked a complete stranger two seconds after meeting her. I would have been worried that I was being rude. (And I think I would be right in that assumption.)

And as much as I’m getting used to the question and trying to find the best way to answer it, it does feel confronting. I need to find a good answer, because from what I’ve heard, I won’t stop being asked it after the kids are born.

I was always very open telling people that Toddler T was an IVF baby. To me, the journey through IVF and infertility is always connected with my pregnancies. People’s responses when hearing that Toddler T was an IVF baby were compassionate. Their words/unspoken body language changed as they recognised that this pregnancy/baby was a child who was long desired for and one that his parent’s were willing to go to considerable emotional, financial and physical effort in order to bring him up in a loving family.

I guess this illustrates why the IVF question now bothers me so much. People’s words or unspoken body language now express an entirely different sentiment. When I admit that they were IVF, all of a sudden there is a knowing look, a nod and a dismissal that this news is a little less exciting than it could have been.
A classic example was an old duck who worked, of all places, in a baby store. I was enquiring about triple strollers. Once she heard the I was having triplets, she started to fish for information beginning with the thinly veiled subtle approach.

“Triplets? Was that a surprise?”
“Yes, it certainly was.”
“But did you know you could have triplets?”
“No, I didn’t think I was going to have triplets.”

At which point she decides she needs more information and abandons the so called subtle approach.

“But did you do IVF?”
“Yes I did, but I never thought I would have triplets.”
Triumphant nod, as old duck has obtained the information that she sought.
“Yes, but you caused it to happen. Having three babies that is. They aren’t natural.”
“Well, when we did IVF we were hoping for one more child in our family.”
“But you didn’t put one egg in though. So that’s how this happens.”
“We only put two eggs in and one egg split, that’s why didn’t think we would have triplets.”
“Oh.” Body language changes to indicate that somehow the fact that we didn’t insert three eggs makes this somehow more acceptable.

I leave the store, (Without buying anything), feeling annoyed with myself that somehow I felt I should justify my choices to this complete stranger who obviously has no idea about IVF or infertility or multiples.

Let alone, the woman did not know that it’s impossible for a woman to get pregnant with triplets with IVF alone in Australia. In our country, you can’t legally use two embryos until you are over the age of 35 and at a decreased chance at achieving a multiple pregnancy. And two embryo’s are normally the maximum you may put in. I don’t think people understand that to have a triplet pregnancy in Australia there has been another factor rather than just IVF that has intervened.

I should note that there are many people, strangers and friends alike, that have heard the news and have celebrated it with us. They have talked about how it will be exciting (but busy!) to have three babies and what a blessing it will be. My church family particularly has been very supportive and right from the start been sensitive in the questions that are asked and celebrate the miracles that are growing within me.

I don’t mind so much people asking about conception if they know me well enough. I’m an open person. I don’t mind talking about IVF. And sometimes people are asking for personal reasons because they are contemplating/doing/have done IVF or know someone who is and want to hear about my experience. If a stranger was to say this to me when asking about IVF, I wouldn’t mind sharing my story one bit.

I need to remember also that most people aren’t meaning to be rude, they are merely curious.

However there are some factors that the curious public need to remember when they ask these personal questions to mother’s of multiples.

Firstly, just as a side, the parents who have conceived multiple babies ‘spontaneously’, get sick of this question also.

The parents who have received assisted reproductive technology have most likely been on a huge journey emotionally. They desperately have wanted children and have been willing to go to a lot of time, effort and money to achieve this dream. You don’t know what each individual journey has consisted of before reaching this joyous pregnancy. Often before they have become pregnant there have been multiple miscarriages, failed IVF attempts, many, many failed attempts at using fertility medicine, operations – to sum it up, there has been heartache, pain, sense of failure and devastation, before one day there is a happy moment of a positive pregnancy test. And then there is a second moment during an ultrasound when two or more babies are found. Even despite any initial shock, parents who have been infertile are normally overjoyed and determined to provide the best possible life to the children they thought they never may have.

There are reasons why parents have carefully deliberated over (in consultation with doctors) before placing more than one egg in during an IVF cycle. Either they do not have the funds to keep repeating the process of IVF until they achieve a pregnancy, or there have been failed attempts so placing more than one embryo gives a better chance at achieving a pregnancy. Most people would probably be very surprised to find out how many people have placed multiple embryo’s in the woman’s uterus during an IVF cycle and then have had no babies, or only one baby.

In any case, any mother that has the miracle of life being formed within her needs to hear comments that are supportive and uplifting. Most pregnancies have an element of challenge as women have all types of auxiliary issues to deal with it – from physical challenges, hormonal fluctuations or tiredness. So please, by sympathetic when you ask questions to any pregnant woman, including mothers with twins, triplets or more. And if
you are really curious, bite your tongue, unless you are given an avenue to politely ask, “Are they IVF?”

What are your thoughts on the subject? Do you think mother’s of multiples are being over sensitive? Have you felt awkward being asked if your children were IVF? If you are a mother of multiples, do you have a good answer when strangers ask if your kids are IVF?

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Person Producing Prayer

If you read my post of how we Announced the Triplet Pregnancy to the Church you would have read the reference to how people were committed to praying for us before we had children. I thought I would share of a few of these little tales, because they are pretty cool as well as being a great testimony of how great and faithful God is.

My family and friends were always constantly in prayer for us during this time. One souvenir of this fervent prayer is a beautiful white crochet cot blanket. Alex and I had decided to fast evening meals and TV for a week and spend this time praying together for a baby. We told friends and family what we were doing, and invited anyone to join us if they would like to. My mother spent that week crocheting. Whenever Mum discovered she was having another grandbaby, she would start to crochet a baby blanket for their cot. J Boy’s blanket was made years before he was born. During that week, Mum crocheted the blanket that would later keep our little baby snug and warm. Each stitch that she crocheted she would pray for our family, particularly that we would have a baby.

J Boy with the blanket now.

There was a very dear group of older ladies who used to pray for us regularly on Wednesday morning prayer meetings. When J Boy was born, one of those ladies came up and had a cuddle with him. She looked up with tears in her eyes. “I knew this day would come.” Then a cheeky sparkle came into her eyes. “I knew it would be a boy.” At this point I didn’t think too much about it, lots of people claimed to have predicted the sex. What she said next floored me. “And I knew his name.” I was astonished.

Apparently the group of ladies were starting to get discouraged that they had been praying for so long and there was still no baby. So they decided to have a day where they got together and prayed just for our future family. (I never knew this until the lady told me after J Boy was born.) At the end of the day the ladies started to feel that no matter what, we would one day have children. Before they went home, one woman read a scripture and they felt this confirmed that we were going to have children – particularly a boy. The scripture was Luke 1:60. “but his mother spoke up and said, “No! His to be called John.” Now admittedly, J Boy’s name is not John, however it most certainly is a close derivative to John. And the name was my choice. It’s all a bit to much to be a co-incidence, is it not?

And then there was the incidence where one beautiful woman came up to me one day and let me know that she was praying a lot for me that month. As always it was touching, and I was humbled that people would think of me – particularly for a month. I soon discovered how God was prompting this woman to pray during that month.

“Yes,” she said, “I’m always praying for you every time I go to the toilet.”

Another lesson in humility.

It turns out that this woman’s sons went to the same school I was teaching at. They had hung the school calendar on the back of their toilet door, and on that particular month there was a picture of me with a student.

God works in mysterious ways, yes?

Wherever the various prayers were uttered, I don’t mind one bit! The outcome is a true blessing from God.

If you are believing in God for something and need a breakthrough, let me encourage you. Ask people to pray for you. The power of corporate prayer should not be underestimated.

Have you got your own cool story of answered prayer? 

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Toddler's T's Pregnancy – An IVF Success Story

I’ve decided to graduate “The Baby” to the status of “Toddler”. It’s inevitable once they hit 18 months that they start losing their “babyness”. It’s sad in many ways to see your baby disappear, but exciting to watch your child continue to develop and gain increased independence.

I’m continuing my gestational posts with my reflections on my pregnancy with Toddler T.

9 months pregnant. Saying goodnight to J Boy, 9 hours later Toddler T arrived!

Once J Boy was born, we knew we wanted another family member for him to grow up with. Of course with our history to date, we knew that the sibling scenario wasn’t a certain thing. We never did anything to prevent a pregnancy, we had agreed that if it happened earlier then we would have planned, it would be a blessing, and better then the alternative. (Proved to be sound reasoning) After almost three years we knew we were dealing with secondary infertility and considering the amount of time it took to get pregnant the first time around before it happened naturally, we weren’t liking our chances.

We went back to our fertility doctor who confirmed our fears, and also helpfully noted that our chances of conceiving were getting slimmer due to my age. Ouch. Prior comments (Before J was born) on my age by him were to say that I was still young and it was good I hadn’t left things too late. Because we had already unsuccessfully tried every fertility treatment available, apart from IVF, the now audible tick of my biological clock helped us decide to proceed straight to IVF treatments this time.

And so began the medications, the daily doses of needles, the internal ultrasounds, (yick), and the ever present feeling of nerves, anticipation and dread.

I was feeling like a human pin cushion after all the needles

Finally the day came for the egg collection. I had to go under general anesthetic for the doctor to harvest the eggs. It turned out they had harvested 18 eggs. It was a mammoth collection. I was very tender and sore and couldn’t walk for the rest of the day and spent the day in the recliner at home watching the Academy Awards live. (Something I’d never done before or since!) 3 days later we were in for a much quicker and far less painful procedure, the embryo transfer. It was such a wierd feeling watching the scientist walk into the room with a cathater, and know that a new life, even thought it was smaller than a full stop, was within it.

Little did I know that while I was in day surgery for this procedure, my pregnant sister had gone into labor with her 4th child. I think we were pregnant together for an hour before my charming little neice was born.

With my new neice and J Boy, Toddler T safe inside multiplying cells!

The two week wait was very anxious for me. The Accountant had no qualms whatsoever and was positive that it was successful. We had been away in Bundaberg for a week, and I had to delay the blood test by a day until we got home. The extra day was agony, and I was tempted to do a home pregnancy test, but I was a good girl and did what I was told and came into the doctor’s office for a blood test. Another nervous 20 minute wait until the nurse beckoned us to come and look at the test with the positive symbol! Hooray! It had worked!

We hadn’t told my parents we were doing the test, so we swung into their house on the way home to show them the results. Of course, as you can see in the photos below, they were estatic to hear that another grandchild was on the way!


Mum was trying to work out what it meant, Dad knew straight away.



A happy moment, even though Dad is hugging me so tight it’s squashing my nose.

 I had written a letter to several people who have supported me in prayer over this time with very specific prayer requests according to what happens during the IVF process. It was such a good feeling writing and telling them of our success once we hit the 12 week mark.

Here’s the letter:

Alex and I would like to sincerely thank all of you who have remembered us in your prayers over the last several months. We thought it was definitely time to give you an update of what has been a very eventful period in our lives!
I shouldn’t delay any longer, but tell you straight away, that Praise the Lord I am pregnant! We had a scan last Friday and were so blessed to see our 11 week old baby’s heart beating and everything right on target. What a great God we serve! This whole journey has definitely had His fingerprints over it every step of the way.
My body responded very well to all the IVF medications. So well, that when we harvested the eggs, I had 18. This is well and truly an above average number of eggs to harvest.  All these eggs were described as ‘perfect’, they were all of the highest quality possible, also an unusual phenomenon. As planned, we only fertilized 1 egg. Before the egg was implanted, the scientist came to speak to us about the egg. She told us that “all our stars were lined up as we couldn’t hope for a better result”. At that comment, both Alex and I looked at each other, and we both knew that the other was giving acknowledgement to the one who made the stars for our good results, rather than simple astrology!
The scientist said that we had beat all odds by fertlising only one egg and having the cells divide perfectly. She said that if she could ask for anything else for that embryo, she wouldn’t be able to, it was so perfect. During the procedure, she once again told the doctor how perfect the embryo was at which point the nurses told us that the scientist “has been drooling over this embryo”.
That same day that I became pregnant, my sister K gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.  After us being both pregnant with C and J at the same time, it’s a nice thought that for a few hours we were also pregnant together again!
Then came the nervous, (well for me, Alex was always confident),  two week wait, but the pregnancy test came up a clear positive. There was no need to be nervous, since everthing has been the fulfilling a prophecy that I received just prior to beginning taking the meds.  A prophetic lady (who doesn’t know me, so she had no idea of my circumstances) had told me that she saw a picture of me hopping around in a field and being nervous, waiting for an explosion, because this had been my experience in the past. She went on to say that I was to forget the past because at this time there were “no landmines” and she could see a picture of me running  freely through a beautiful field of flowers and not having to worry about what may happen, but rather enjoy the moment.
Well, me being me, I have occasionally succumb to nerves, but it was a beautiful image that stayed with me, and when I did start to worry, I kept praying that there would be no landmines.
Another answer to prayer has been in the areas of finances, as the medical bills were putting a huge strain on our budget. God is good, and we received two cheques of $5000 which has both covered the cost of the procedure and assisted us in being able to go to China as we planned. We had a fabulous family holiday there. (Although maybe next time we go overseas with a two year old, we might ask for intercessory support for that too before we leave!) I also had no morning sickness during our time away, which of course is also a huge blessing.
Our baby’s due date is November 17, so over the next 6 months, if you think of us, please continue to send up prayers for our precious child’s safe arrival. We look forward to sharing with you all the joyous occasion of it’s birth towards the end of the year!!!
Thank you so much for those who have been supporting us in prayer, we know without a doubt that our extraordinary results have been the result of much prayer and intercession. We are also aware very much of other women who are out there and who have been praying fervently, and are still awaiting their miracles. In all our own excitement, we are also thinking of those who are still in the midst of their own struggles and we pray that our very big God will also fulfill the desires of their heart.
With all our love,
A, C, J and the Perfect Baby!

I had a straight forward pregnancy and Toddler T surprised us all by coming 15 days early. (That’s when you regret that you haven’t properly packed your hospital bag.) Once he was on his way, there was no delaying, he was out in 2 1/2 hours which was intense, but there’s always that sweet moment when you gather your newborn baby in your arms for his first cuddle.


First moments with son number 2.



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J Boy Pregnancy – The end of a 5 year journey of Infertility

I explained in a recent post how my journey to motherhood was not an easy experience due to infertility resulting from Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. (PCOS)

I thought it would be nice to tell of my boys start to life.

This is the story of my pregnancy with J Boy.

9 months pregnant

When we first discovered I was pregnant The Accountant and I were living in London. Here is a letter that I sent an American friend updating her of our pregnancy. This friend and I used to communicate regularly, most days in fact, and then she hit ‘one of those patches in life’ which made her head underground for awhile, and in the meantime she had changed her email address and hadn’t let me know, so even though she had been praying for me for years, and had even sent me baby gifts for years before the baby was conceived, I didn’t get the chance to tell her I was pregnant until after the fact!

I thought it would be one of the best ways to share the joyous occassion of discovering I was pregnant after 5 years of trying.

Dear US Friend,

Right, so it all began in France! Alex and I had got away for the weekend, which was just beautiful. We explored Normandy and Brittany. High on the list to visit by the way was Mont St. Michel, I had always wanted to visit it after I saw you standing out the front of it in a photo you sent me!

The Accountant and I in the North of France at Mont St. Michel. Conception has occurred, but we don’t know yet!

I thought I may have ovulated, I had picked the times I was ovulating two times before, but nothing had happened and that was over the course of about 6 months because my cycles as you know are so irregular. I think I had started being able to pick them from watching my bodies signs and linking what my body did when I had ultrasounds that showed I was ovulating. Anyway, I didn’t think too much of it, just hoped that I would get my periods two weeks later.

Two weeks later, I started a little spotting, and thought that I had done well picking when I had ovulated again and got ready for my periods. All week there was a bit of spotting coming and going, I wasn’t sure whether they were still coming or it was an extremely light period. I thought I’d do a pregnancy test just in case. Alex told me not to bother it would be a waste of money again! I decided to do it anyway, just in case, but even I didn’t have too much hope, I did the test and waited for the result, I actually had my foot on the lever for the bin so I could through it straight out! When the test came through, I realized that I didn’t know what the test results meant because it was different to the Australian tests I used, so I went and read the instructions, re-read them, read them over again, and again, and again! Then I concluded that I was PREGNANT! I went running into the husband showing him it, he then took the instructions, read them, re-read them, read them over again, and again, and again! Then he agreed with my conclusion that I was in fact pregnant! It was so exciting and totally mind boggling! We rang my parents straight away and tried to ring my sister, didn’t get her, but spoke to her a few hours later. They were both estatic! Also rang my brother. Alex didn’t want to tell his family until a bit later, but I didn’t want to wait. My sister was living in London, so I was seeing her that night at a blind wine tasting night we were having, but it wasn’t easy to tell her with lots of people around so I arranged to see her on Monday. (No need to say, I only tasted a few wines, and spat!)
On Sunday, I started bleeding more heavily, it was a good thing I had done the test, because if I hadn’t done it the day before I would have presumed it was my period. I went to the doctor first thing Monday morning, where she spent a great time telling me that I could very well be miscarrying which was devastating. I rang my little sister crying asking her to come sooner. She came with me to the hospital where I had to have an ultrasound. The scan showed there was a pregnancy, but because it had been three months since I’d had a period, they still couldn’t conclusively say if it was the end or beginning of a pregnancy. I had to go back two weeks later which was a very long time to wait, but when I did, the baby had grown and I could see this little blob on the screen with a beating heart.

“Our blob”

It was one of the most awesome things I’d ever seen. I didn’t think that I would see anything interesting, it just blew me away that there was a 6 week old baby inside me with a heart beat! I rang the husband up afterwards and cried with excitement while telling him. I had a ¾ hour bus ride back to work and spent the whole time on the phone to Australia with my family who were anxiously awaiting the result. We had a few more scares early in the pregnancy, but hey presto! That is all a distant memory and now we have our gorgeous boy safe in our arms!

So once we had got over all the excitement of becoming pregnant, we had to do some serious decision making as to whether we’d stay in the UK or not. In the end after lots of serious consideration we realized that we didn’t want to remain in England long term so we thought it wo

uld be better to only set up nursery once and also better for A’s career to get more Australian experience if that’s where we were wanting to be in the long term. So, we decided to return home to have the baby. We arrived home in May, but before we did so, Executive sister and her children arrived and had a 6 week holiday with us.

Visiting Legoland with my sister, neice, nephew and brother-in-law
It was so lovely and quite emotional returning home with a lovely big belly! Of course people at church were so excited after praying for us for so many years. My family, needless to say, was estatic! When we first arrived, we weren’t entirely sure if we would live in Toowoomba, we also considered moving to Brisbane. However, we stayed in Toowoomba after all. A had some very tempting job offers in both Toowoomba and Brisbane, but in the meantime while looking for work he had been helping out with my brother’s computer business and decided that he really liked management accounting, so has decided to work in the family business. He has been working with the computers so far, but this year will start getting more involved in other endeavours.
I did some supply teaching at my old workplace when I returned and was still pregnant, but I haven’t worked since having J Boy. I don’t intend to return to full time work for quite some time, although I will do some infrequent supply days to bring in some money throughout the year. I didn’t have an entirely favourable teaching experience in London, so I haven’t missed it that much. Besides which I absolutely LOVE being at home with J Boy. I’m also involved with a mothers group which I really enjoy.
When we first arrived we were staying in a rental property that Executive Sister had just bought. However in November we moved into a new house that we bought. It’s a lovely home, A and I have decided it’s our ‘grown up house’. It’s not an old house that people buy as a first home, but a brand new four bedroom place. I’ll have to send some photos through of the interior.
(Letter continues with boring bits that wouldn’t interest you!)
Love,
Caitlin

The first minutes of my firstborn’s life.
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Motherhood

Mothers Day is always a lovely day to reflect on Motherhood.

I consider being a mother a gift from God. My husband and my children are the best gifts I have ever been given, and I treasure my family with all my heart.

I am constantly in awe that God has entrusted me with these two precious lives to raise. It is my strongest prayer that The Accountant and I are able to bring up two men who serve their God, are polite, strong, hard working and make a difference in this world. It is the hardest job I have ever done and the greatest job I can ever do.

For me, when I reflect on being a mother I always remember the journey to motherhood on the roller coaster of infertility. It took five years from when The Accountant and I began officially ‘trying’ until I discovered that I was pregnant with my J Boy.

Those years are some of the best and worst years of my life. I describe it as a roller coaster, because I can think of no better analogy. I have to admit, it’s not as fun as a roller coaster, and you don’t walk away laughing. When you walk away, you feel relieved that you survived.

I had the moments of clarity, at the high points. The moments when you push aside your pain for a moment, and just enjoy your husband. I thank God that we didn’t choose to constantly wallow in self pity, but made the most of our time alone together. We did some wonderful things, that you really can only do without children. We travelled to Asia, The Middle East and the USA as well as extensive explorations of Europe and the UK, (including living a year in London), we entertained friends and family without the hassle of factoring children into the equation, we were able to build up a healthy bank account (or course important to The Accountant) which has taken much the pressure off us when I did become a stay at home mother. We dined out regularly, saw shows and popped down to The Beach or made a trip to the city on a whim. And there was unique opportunities that we were able to serve God in our church without the responsibilities of parenthood.

And then there are the moments when you leave the heights and hurtle down steep slopes. You hang and pray that you’ll make it as emotions rush through you. “What if I never become a mother?” That phrase pounds in your mind, it clouds your vision, it weighs heavy on your heart. “What if I never become a mother? What if I never become a mother?” It is relentless, it’s always there, sometimes tucked away in the corner of your mind, sometimes there is nothing else you can think about. It is a worry, a concern it is your worst case scenario as your emotions hurtle down that slippery slope.

But then you pause. You reflect and consider that God is in control. You reflect that if you never do become a mother, it will be his will. The Bible says that God cares for us, He has the best planned for our lives, He has a plan and purpose. We have been placed on the planet for a reason. Could that reason not include motherhood? Is my worst case scenario in fact not the worst thing that could happen in my life? If God has other plans for my life, there may be pain, but surely his way is higher, his purpose is noble and true? As you consider this, you allow him to place an ointment on that open wound of infertility. You trust Him. You place all your faith, trust and confidence in Him, your future is in His hands, and even if it doesn’t turn out the way you plan, you know it will be great, and it will be good.

There is much solace in being in relationship with God.

Of course the roller coaster continues. There are moments of exhileration surging through you as you place your hand in God’s. Fear returns sometimes as you look at your circumstances and look at the twisting, jolting track before you. But you either shut your eyes or throw your hands in the air and embrace the life that you have been given and continue the ride with the best roller coaster companion ever, confident that you will not only survive, but it will be glorious.

Survive I did. I am always blessed that God did bestow the gift of Motherhood to me. I never understand why there are some of us who have to endure ‘the wait’ and why there are some that do not receive this gift of motherhood. But I know that there are other gifts that God has given them, that he is faithful and true and that he does not have favourites. Perhaps one day we will see the blueprints of his Divine masterplan, but until we do, we fix our eyes on Him, pick up our cross daily and follow Him. And as we do, we consider how fortunate we are to intimately know The God of the Universe who cares for us.

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